Happy Agent Co. - Real Estate Agent Podcast for Women - Hosted by Lindsay Dreyer, Real Estate Coach

How “Nice Girl” Energy Is Killing Your Real Estate Business

• Lindsay Dreyer • Season 1 • Episode 32

Share episode

Let’s get real: Are you putting everyone else’s needs above your own, bending over backwards for clients, and still wondering why you feel drained and disrespected?

In this episode of The Happy Agent Co. Podcast, real estate coach Lindsay Dreyer breaks down the quiet, sneaky force that’s sabotaging so many real estate agents’ success: Nice Girl Energy. If you’ve ever felt guilty saying no, discounted your commission out of fear, or dropped everything for a buyer who ghosted…this one’s for you.

It’s time to stop shrinking and start owning your space—because a happy agent is a successful one.

In this episode, we cover:

  • Why over-accommodating isn’t kind—it’s self-abandonment
  • The surprising difference between being nice and being kind
  • Real-life examples of boundaries gone wrong (and how to fix them)
  • How “nice girl” habits damage your credibility and cost you money
  • Simple scripts to own your worth and confidently communicate value
  • How to be direct without being mean (yes, it’s possible!)
  • The truth about commissions and people-pleasing in disguise

Whether you’re a new agent trying to build authority, or a seasoned realtor navigating client boundaries and pricing conversations, this episode will help you communicate clearly, charge your worth, and create a more sustainable, aligned real estate business.

If you're done feeling like a pushover and ready to step into the authority your business deserves, this episode is your permission slip. Because you don’t need to apologize for being powerful—and your clients will thank you for it.

*****************************************************

Let's stay connected!

💼 Coaching with Lindsay – happyagent.co/coaching

Get personalized strategy, support, and mindset shifts to scale your real estate business without sacrificing your joy.

🎓 Happy Agent Academy – happyagent.co/academy

Your go-to resource for freebies, on-demand courses, templates, and tools to help you grow a thriving real estate business.

📩 Join the Happy Hustle Newsletter – happyagent.co/subscribe

Weekly insights, strategies, and real talk to help you build wealth, lead boldly, and create a business you love.

📲 Connect with Happy Agent Co. on Instagram or Facebook – instagram.com/happyagentco

📲 Connect with Lindsay on Instagram or Facebook – instagram.com/lindsaydreyer...

Speaker 1:

Welcome to another episode of the Happy Agent Co podcast. I am your host, lindsay Dreyer, and I am so excited you're here Today. I am going to dive into a topic that I really love talking about, and that is how nice girl energy is quietly sabotaging your growth and how you can reclaim your power and build a business that you love, because you are not a doormat, you are not a fairy godmother and you are definitely not running a nonprofit. So I love this topic because I know a lot of women struggle with this, so let's dive in. I want you to be honest with yourself. How many times have you said yes to something you absolutely did not want to do because you didn't want to be quote, unquote difficult? Again, how many times have you bent over backwards for a client, only for them to either ghost you ask for a commission credit or, just straight up, disrespect you? It has happened to all of us. You are not alone and no, it is not just a you problem, it is a we were taught to be likable. Problem and this is something that so many women struggle with is that we don't want to rock the boat, we don't want to seem difficult and we want to just collaborate and compromise and make everybody happy. But this is sabotaging your business and you don't have to be mean, but nice girl energy can hold you back from building a business that isn't just profitable but also pays you what you're worth.

Speaker 1:

Let's talk about a real life example. So I know that when I was peak real estating, I would step out of a dinner with my husband, so we would be on date night and I would be like sorry, sorry, I have to take this call. Or I was putting my daughter down for a nap and I am like paying attention to my phone because I'm in like active negotiations and like there goes her nap time because I'm stuck on the phone with a listing agent for like 30 minutes. Or you're rescheduling your life for a buyer who isn't even pre-approved. So these are all real scenarios. Because we want to service our clients well, we want to get that commission, we want to make that deal happen.

Speaker 1:

But it is exhausting putting yourself out there and being nice all the time, especially if you aren't doing it out of alignment or out of authenticity. When you do that out of alignment or out of authenticity, you get what I like to call an emotional hangover or an energy hangover because you are just overextending yourself and you are doing things that you don't want to do. And we have this false belief in real estate that if I'm just nice enough, they'll pick me, or if I'm just nice enough they'll respect me, or if I'm just nice enough, they'll refer me. But really, what'm just nice enough, they'll refer me. But really, what it comes down to is that being nice actually isn't the problem. The problem is that you are being nice at the expense of your boundaries, at the expense of your paycheck and at the expense of your schedule, and that isn't generosity, that is not kindness, that's honestly self-abandonment, that's abandoning yourself, that's abandoning your integrity and it's costing you money guarantee it. It's costing you clients because you're stretching yourself too thin, and it is costing your credibility. So I want to reframe this, because I think that there is a difference between kindness and niceness. I think that kindness is aligned you can just be a kind person, but niceness tends to be performative. So I want you to think about being kind in your business, and that includes being kind to yourself. So stop over-efforting, because that definitely is going to backfire on you and it also makes your client question your authority instead of respect it.

Speaker 1:

I have a really funny story where my massage therapist decided to list with someone else because she didn't know me in the context of being a real estate agent. She saw me as being nice. She didn't see me as being a good negotiator, which, for those of you who know me. I am a bulldog. Going to the car dealership and negotiating deals is basically my form of a hobby. I love negotiating, so I was laughing because that was an instance where someone saw my niceness as a downfall in hiring me as their real estate agent. It made them question did I have the authority to get this deal done or represent them in an aggressive way? And so I will say that, like, sometimes it costs you deals.

Speaker 1:

So clarity and confidence and being able to communicate, that is what builds that trust. It's what builds that authority and people pleasing honestly. It does not build confidence. It does not build trust. It does not build authority. When clients can walk all over you or get whatever they want, those clients aren't necessarily getting the best experience from you. So it is important to know that over niceness is sabotaging you. It is self-sabotage.

Speaker 1:

I think it's important for us to dive into a little bit of where does this nice girl energy come from? And I mean honestly, a lot of it comes from our trauma or our upbringing or the culture we are raised in, but it ultimately is rooted in fear and it's that fear of rejection, of people not liking us, of people not loving us Like we want people to accept us. It also can come in the fear of just being too much, like maybe people told you you're too loud or too fat or too whatever, and there's also that fear of being judged. So maybe you were ridiculed or bullied as a kid or as an adult and you're just scared of being judged. I know for me it comes down to being seen and being loved and accepted and that is where my nice girl energy came from. And it was really, really hard for me to reprogram my brain and realize that when I set a boundary or if I say no, it doesn't mean that they hate me. It means that I am protecting myself, it's that I am doing what's in alignment with myself. So playing small and that nice girl energy, it is a survival strategy. I really don't think we're doing it consciously, but it is not a business strategy. And so when you get intentional about your kindness. I think that that is a really great way to move forward in your business.

Speaker 1:

So, now that we've talked about where it comes from, what the problem with nice girl energy is, let's talk about what do you do instead. I think the first thing is that you need to stop over accommodating people. Is that you need to stop over accommodating people and it comes down to saying what you mean without apologizing, and being clear in your communications. And it also comes down to having a clear process that you follow and clear boundaries that you follow. My favorite saying, larry Kendall Lynch, is selling. You control the process, your client controls the decisions, and you are the expert. You are the one that they're leaning on to carry them, shepherd them through this process.

Speaker 1:

Truly believe now I didn't always believe, or I really wasn't always good at it which is boundaries and setting boundaries. That is professional, that is not rude, and I really respect people who are able to set boundaries in their business. So, whether that is times you are available, days that you work, how many properties you will see at one given time, how you handle offers, how you handle open houses, whatever boundaries you feel like you need to set, you need to set them and my clue is I will take a beat and it will be something like I don't want to do this, or I feel like this is a bad idea, or I knew I shouldn't have taken this. How many times has that happened, where you meet with a client and you're like, oh shoot, I shouldn't have taken that client. So it's like listen to that intuition, listen to that little voice, because it is trying to save you from nice girl energy. It is telling you when something is out of alignment, when a client is out of alignment, when a situation is out of alignment and it is okay to say no, it is okay to say I can't do that right now or I can find another solution or someone else to do this for you. So you need to listen to that little voice inside of you because it's really important. I know that if I got a call let's say it's during my son's birthday party that little voice inside of me is like you should not take that call. Do not take that call. This is your son's birthday party. Do not take it.

Speaker 1:

There was a point in time where I would have taken that call because I wanted to be ultra available, hyper responsive to my clients. And, yes, I do feel like responsiveness is important, but there is a difference between responsiveness and hyper responsiveness. So, for example, set expectations. If you send me an email, it is a 24 hour response time maximum. If you send me an email, it is a 24-hour response time maximum. If you send me a text, it is an hour maximum response time. If you call me, I'll know it's urgent and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.

Speaker 1:

We need to start setting communication boundaries like that, because that's what gives you a life and, ultimately, that's what gives your client a predictable, great experience. I don't think our clients are expecting us to be available 24-7. And if they do, they're not the right client for you, but they do want to expect when they'll hear back from you. So, setting those boundaries being clear about what the process is, being clear about your communication, what's going to happen when you are available it is so crucial to stop over-accommodating those clients. I also think directness is clarity and clarity is trust. And ultimately, don't we want all of our clients to trust us, because that's what's going to lead to a referral business down the road.

Speaker 1:

And here's some phrases that you can use that won't work for me, but here's what will work for me. I am fully booked that day, but let's look at next week. Here's how I can work best for you so you can get the best results. It's all about communicating your needs, which I know is really hard if you are in people-pleasing mode or you are used to just rolling over and making everybody happy. But it is time that you make yourself happy and stop just exhausting yourself Like your emotional, physical, mental energy is too important and I guarantee you will see the results. Another place I see nice girl energy really shoot people in the foot is compensation the commissions that you are charging. Your pricing is not a negotiation. Most of the time it is a reflection of your value that you bring your skills, your experience and, honestly, your ability to get results for that client. And if you have to explain your value or you feel uncomfortable explaining your value, it means that you are not owning what you are charging.

Speaker 1:

I really feel like discounting your commission, no matter what your charge is people pleasing in disguise. It's basically like I am not worth whatever I am charging you and I don't know about you. But anytime I take a discount on what I am charging, it leads to me overworking, or actually probably both. It leads to resentment, so I'm overworking and I'm resentful because I shouldn't have done it. I feel like it's like Murphy's law right, we go out of town and we get lots of clients, but it's the same. When you discount a commission, it's going to be like your hardest deal. So don't do it if there is not a strategic business reason for doing it.

Speaker 1:

Here are some phrases that I would like you to practice, the answers to here's how I'm compensated and why it's worth it to you. This is my commission and I don't discount my service. And here's why You're hiring me to make you more money and get you better results, and that's exactly what I'm going to do. And lastly, if you're looking for the cheapest option, unfortunately that's not me, but if you're looking for the best outcome, I'm your woman.

Speaker 1:

It infuriates me to see how many women under charge for their services. That is like one of the biggest things I talk to about coaching clients is I have them pull their look back and commission rates, and almost all of them are like I wish I charged more, and I think that that's just one of the things. It's like. Women just want to make people happy and we don't believe in what we bring to the table, but you should. You don't go to your doctor or your lawyer and ask for a coupon.

Speaker 1:

So I want you to stop treating your expertise and your time and your energy like it's something that's on Facebook marketplace, like it's up for negotiation, because it really isn't. You're delivering a incredibly professional service that delivers a shitload of value, and you should not ever second guess yourself, and you shouldn't let nice girl energy get in the way of that. Playing small does not serve you and it absolutely doesn't serve your clients, and every time that you shrink to make someone else feel comfortable, you are robbing the world, your clients and yourself of your full impact. And you don't have to be mean to be powerful. You just have to stop apologizing for taking up space.

Speaker 1:

I really hope that you stop being a nice girl and you start being a kind girl who is standing in her full power. So cheers to the kind girls. If you have a fellow agent who you think is being a little too nice and letting people walk all over them like a doormat, please share this with them and if you want to DM me your nice girl moment that you are done with. You can find me on Instagram, lindsaydryer, and I really hope that this helps you step into your power because, girl, you are amazing. Until next time, stay happy.

Head Shot

Lindsay Dreyer

Host