You’re Not Lazy, You’re Overwhelmed: Nervous System Tools for Real Estate Agents

If you’ve ever stared at your to-do list and thought, “Why can’t I just do the things I said I was going to do?” — this one’s for you. The truth is, you’re not lazy. You’re overwhelmed. And most of the time, it’s not about discipline or time blocking…it’s about your nervous system.

In this episode, Lindsay Dreyer breaks down how nervous system dysregulation shows up in your real estate business — from procrastination and brain fog to avoidance and endless scroll holes. You’ll learn why managing your energy matters more than managing your calendar, and how to reset so you can show up focused, creative, and calm.

Inside you’ll discover:

• The 3 nervous system states (fight/flight, freeze, regulated) and how they affect your business
• Why energy management > time management for sustainable success
• Practical, doable tools to regulate before you work (breathing, movement, white space, recovery time)
• How to stop beating yourself up for being “unmotivated” and start supporting your body instead

This episode is your permission slip to stop pushing through survival mode and start running your business from a place of calm, clarity, and power.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Intro: You're Not Lazy, You're Overwhelmed
• 2:52 Understanding Nervous System Dysregulation
• 6:22 Energy Management Trumps Time Management
• 8:42 Practical Tools for Regulation
• 13:18 Make Business Decisions from Regulation
• 15:03 Creating a Business That Supports You

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:34

Hey there, I am Lindsay Dreyer, real estate coach, broker-donor and mom of three, and thank you for tuning in today. If we are not friends on Facebook or Instagram, please come find me lindsaydreyer and lindsaydreyer on Instagram. Today we are going to be talking about something that I think is so crucial, because if you have ever looked at your to-do list and thought why can't I just do the things I said I was going to do, this is the episode for you, because here is the dirty, dirty truth you are not lazy. You are overwhelmed, and a lot of times, this is because your nervous system is maxed out. So your brain gets foggy, your energy gets scattered, and it's not because you don't care, but it's because you are in survival mode. So today we're going to dive into how nervous system dysregulation shows up in your real estate business, what it really means to manage your energy and not just your schedule, and the specific tools that I use and sometimes teach to come back to your center so you can take aligned, sustainable action again. So you're probably like Lindsay this is like a little woo-woo, maybe. I want to let you know that I have my yoga teacher certification. I have been meditating for a very long time and I have been in therapy a lot, so regulation has become a super important part of my real estate business and I want to let you in on this little secret. So let's get you out of freeze mode and back into your power.

Speaker 1: 2:11

For those of you that aren't familiar with regulation, real estate is emotionally intense. I mean, if, if you like, this is like non-disputable right we are dealing with client stress, financial pressure, unpredictable days, and agents are constantly shifting between high adrenaline, which is your negotiations, your deadlines, and then total depletion, and this creates nervous system dysregulation which, honestly, it shows up as a bunch of things, shows up as procrastination, it can show up as brain fog, it can show up as avoidance, it can show up as doom scrolling or scroll holes. It can show up as overplanning but not executing, because you want to feel like you're being productive but you don't want the energy to actually do anything, or you're just feeling like everything is too much. And then add on top of that your demands of home life, especially if you're a mom, like it is a lot like. No wonder your nervous system is dysregulated. So I want you to think about the last time you said I just need to get my life together. I just need to get my business together. And what if it wasn't necessarily about being disorganized, but it was actually your body asking for safety and stillness? Yeah, like what if it wasn't just like you being a hot mess express, because it probably wasn't it was just your nervous system asking for you to calm the fuck down.

Speaker 1: 3:46

I know a lot of you have probably heard of like fight or flight or the different phases of being dysregulated. So your nervous system isn't just emotional. It's actually how you respond to stress and pressure and your demands. And so there's three main states of your nervous system and this is honestly very like high level. But you have fight or flight, which is your anxious action, the panic, the hustle. I know we all get into that. When there's an offer deadline. There's freeze, which is when you shut down. You're just in like paralysis, you're avoiding things. And then there's regulated, which is where you're calm, you're focused, you're creative and, honestly, this is like your flow state. This is where things just kind of feel good, like they're effortless and like you just deal with everything as it comes and it's not stressing you out. This matters in your real estate business, because you can't write content from a dysregulated state, you can't make phone calls from a dysregulated state, you can't help your real estate clients or negotiate deals at your best from a dysregulated state, and that is something that I don't think is communicated enough in our industry is that we have so much dysregulation Not only ours, our clients, maybe, the agent on the other side, the client on the other side we are all operating in this heightened state of fight or flight or freeze, and so it is really important to realize when it's happening to you, because you don't necessarily need more discipline. You don't need more time blocking. You don't need more, more, more. What you really need is to get into a state of regulation. So this is the difference between doing your lead generation in 45 minutes or you're staring at your computer for four hours and you end up scrolling Instagram or Facebook for like hours and hours and hours. So just knowing that information can be really helpful.

Speaker 1: 5:48

I really believe that energy management is actually more advantageous than time management. So I want you to stop pretending that your calendar is the only thing that matters. Energy management is actually really what matters, and what energy management means, and what I mean in this context is that you need to know when you are most alert, when you are most regulated and when you are most drained or dysregulated. This can also be working with your natural cycle, so it could be your monthly cycle, it could be hormonal cycles, it could be seasonal, and so it's really knowing when do you do your best work, not only on a daily basis, a weekly basis, a monthly basis, quarterly, seasonally, and it's also about rebuilding your capacity, not necessarily cramming in more. So some tactical practices or things that you can do.

Speaker 1: 6:45

You can create a daily check-in what do I need today? Is it structure, is it stillness, is it stimulation? And then you're designing your week based on your energy. So I know for me, by Friday I am like done, that is my cleanup day. Get things wrapped up for the weekend, I just am pretty done. So I save creative work for Tuesdays and Wednesdays, typically because that's when I feel the most creative, that's when I feel like I have the best flow state.

Speaker 1: 7:16

And then using white space as a tool and by white space I mean just like blank space, like go for a walk, like just find some space, and it is not just a luxury. You really can use it as a tool to kind of like reset because you can't run your business on fumes and you don't earn your rest by doing enough. You actually are worthy of rest just because you're a human being, and that is something that I've been trying to trade myself is that if you are tired or if you need rest, because rest is a tool, you don't have to earn it. You get it because you are a human who needs it. Now let's dive into some more practical tools that you can use. So here is what I personally have found worked for me Breathing Yep, I know it sounds stupid, but breathing and intentionally just closing your eyes, shutting down everything around you and just breathing.

Speaker 1: 8:25

It could be for 30 seconds, it could be for one minute, it does not even need to be for more than one minute, but just inhaling through your nose, long exhale through your mouth, with a sigh usually, and doing like two to three rounds of that resets you typically in under three minutes. The next is movement breaks. Now the body gets all that adrenaline built up in your fight or flight, and back in the caveman days it was because we were in danger and we needed to get away from a threat, and in modern day, in real estate. There is no actual physical threat. No one's coming after us with their teeth, there's no lion. But it's our body. It doesn't know the difference and so we have to move, we have to get that adrenaline and work it out of our body. So moving can really help reset that fight or flight in your body and help you shift out of it. Same with freeze like it can really help reset that fight or flight in your body and help you shift out of it. Same with freeze Like it can absolutely help you out of freeze too. So anytime you're feeling dysregulated, I know moving is like the last thing you want to do. You just want to like get into things and like do more and get frantic. But the best thing you can do is go move, and that could be walking, it could be running, it could be riding a bike, it could be anything just moving your body.

Speaker 1: 9:49

The next thing is regulate before you work, especially if you have a problem that you are trying to solve or dive into. Do not force yourself into productivity. Prep your nervous system first. So I know this always comes up for me when I'm negotiating something or a deal blows up and I'm like, oh my God, and it always happens at like dinner time or sometime. That's very inconvenient, like my kids sick from school that day or something like that, and I'm already kind of in a almost dysregulated state, if not a completely dysregulated state, and I have to actually like do either breathing or go move and I need to like just reset myself before I even like talk to my client, before I even strategize on how to solve the problem. I need to make sure that I am getting myself into a regulated state before I'm working, to make sure that I am getting myself into a regulated state before I'm working. This also comes into effect if I'm nervous for like a listing presentation or a buyer presentation, or if I'm about to go and like publicly speak. So it's all about getting regulated and for me, honestly, it's breathing and moving.

Speaker 1: 11:03

The other thing is sometimes, throughout my day, I don't even know that I am getting into these zones. Sometimes I don't even know that I'm getting dysregulated. So I am going through a massive rebrand. Right now I'm renaming my brokerage to a completely new name, new identity, new brand positioning, literally new everything, and I kind of just hit a wall, like I could feel the freeze, actually like sit in. I just was like and my brain was like going crazy like mile a minute, and I realized like all right, I got to shut this down for the day. I need to go outside and like go meditate for like five minutes in the grass. And so I did that and honestly, it was like exactly what I needed and what I realized was I was done for the day. I didn't need to be doing any more on this, like I just needed to get regulated and get out of doing the stuff for the day.

Speaker 1: 11:56

So if you are in that spot, it's really nice to like time block things or just plan buffer time between appointments or things that you know are going to be stressful, so things that you could do for your time block of recovery. It could be just like a 10 minute walk, it could be a 10 minute screen break, it could be no client Mondays, literally anything you can do to build in that space in your calendar so you're not rushing and so you're not in that fight or flight freeze mode between appointments or like just for all day, because I know if I'm in that zone and I get home, it's like a nightmare Like. So even what I started doing was taking like a time block between my end of the workday and then coming home to do dinner and kids and all of that. So even a little reset there is super helpful.

Speaker 1: 12:47

And then the other last thing is just being aware of your nervous system when it comes to decision-making. So, knowing that you're in a dysregulated state, don't ever make big business decisions, don't ever deal with high-stakes negotiations when you're dysregulated, because you are going to make horrible decisions and you're not serving your clients in the best way you can. So, if you can, either cancel it, delay it, move it to the next day, like if you can't, and even if it's just like 15 minutes or 20 minutes, like do what you can do, but try not to rush from thing to thing to thing because you are not going to make the best decisions. So I want you to think what is one tool that can help you feel safe, grounded and clear? I'm curious, if you even have one right now, what's your go-to? Is it breathing, breathwork? Is it moving? Is it just getting some space? Is it a walk in nature, like what is that go-to? Because you do not need to overhaul your life, you just need to implement things that make your nervous system feel safe and regulated.

Speaker 1: 13:58

What I want you to take away from this episode is that you're not flaky and you're not inconsistent and you're not lazy. That is something we tell ourselves so often and we need to stop with the negative self-talk. Most of the time, you are over capacity and your body is doing its best to protect you, but I am telling you that you can run your business from a place of calm and you are allowed to take a beat before you take action on something, and you are allowed to create a beat before you take action on something, and you are allowed to create a business that supports your nervous system first, and your to-do list second. It is hard, it is easier said than done and it is a practice, just like anything, just like any spiritual practice or meditation practice. You're never going to get it perfect, but it's all about that awareness.

Speaker 1: 14:51

So if you've been beating yourself up for not being quote, unquote, unmotivated or feeling like you can't catch up or get ahead, I want you to call BS on that story right now. You are not lazy, you are just overdue for a reset. I hope that I was able to reframe this, I think, really important topic in real estate, which is we are not lazy, we are just overwhelmed. There is a lot on our plate. If there's an agent you feel like needed this episode, please feel free to forward it and until next time, stay happy.