Happy Agent Co. - Real Estate Agent Podcast for Women - Hosted by Lindsay Dreyer, Real Estate Coach

Love & Real Estate: What It’s Like Being Married to a Realtor

• Lindsay Dreyer • Season 1 • Episode 43

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To celebrate 13 years married, I’m replaying a listener-favorite: a candid conversation with my husband, Andrew, on what it’s really like to love (and live with) a real estate agent. We talk about the unpredictable hours, money-time tradeoffs, redefining roles at home, and the trust + communication it takes to build a life—and a business—together.

In this episode, we unpack:

  • Time works differently in real estate — why “money hours” (negotiations, deadline sprints) change calendars, weekends, and vacations.
  • Roles that actually work — ditching default gender scripts for a flexible, strengths-based partnership.
  • Stop forcing “normal” — how trying to fit a realtor life into a 9–5 mold breeds resentment.
  • The upside of embracing it — freedom, big swings (hello, month-long trips), and shared wins when you play the long game.
  • Trust & boundaries — how discipline, systems, and clear expectations make love + listings coexist.

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Speaker 1:

So today I have a very special episode for you. This is actually a replay from Valentine's Day, because today is my husband, andrew, and my 13 year anniversary. Yes, it has been a wild ride, so I thought, to celebrate, I would replay our episode where I interview him on what it is like being married to a realtor, which, honestly, is a challenge a lot of the time. So, without further ado, here is the episode. I am so excited because I am here with my life partner, andrew, and we are bringing you a Valentine's Day special with my boo.

Speaker 1:

I wanted to do an episode on. I wanted to do an episode on the things that Andrew has learned being a non-real estate spouse. We've been together for 16 years, which is bananas, and I have been a real estate agent for almost 21. So we definitely, I think, are a good example of a real estate relationship. You've had many real estate widowhoods on the weekend and the nights, so hello.

Speaker 2:

Hi, a pleasure to be joining you today. It's probably worth actually pointing out on the front end that anything I talk about is an experience being a cisgendered man married to a cisgender realtor woman, and so I have a feeling a lot of this stuff probably doesn't shake out the same way if you're like a more like trad wife married to a husband who's a realtor, who's also a primary breadwinner. But I mean, I also think that's kind of the fun.

Speaker 1:

So Right, okay. Well, we're here because we are empower women who are going to step into their CEO era. So we're going to guess here that these women are like bosses, like they're they're CEOs of their business.

Speaker 1:

So, let's just go under that assumption. I mean, I'm going to go under that assumption because that's what I am, all right. So let's talk about. You have four lessons for us, or four things you have learned about being a real estate spouse or partner. And you, first of all, I know you love to talk and I love that about you, so, like you're, I call him my Austropedia, because he knows everything. And you have four things that you have learned, or four takeaways, and I'm really excited to get into them. So the first one I'm going to go ahead and let you dive into that.

Speaker 2:

Sure, I think the biggest adjustment coming into a relationship with a realtor and then having spent 16 years with you, is that realtors look at time differently than the rest of us. Moguls and kind of what I mean by that is, I think the vast majority of us work Monday through Friday, you know, eight to five or whatever, and that's just not the reality of being a realtor. You know, not only are the hours non-traditional, but they're also unpredictable. And I vividly remember you and I going out to lunch at I think it was like a Chinese place in Manchester and the table there were two tables over for us. There was a woman talking on her cell phone and a man sitting across from her staring glumly down at his food and a man sitting across from her staring glumly down at his food.

Speaker 2:

And I could just tell Like I knew that. Look, I knew that dinner. I knew exactly what was going on. That was an act of negotiation and she was haggling it out in the middle of their date night. And I think that's like. The first takeaway is that you have to be very aware of the fact that realtors just look at time differently. The hours are not only unique but they're unpredictable. But more than that, the amount of money they make per hour they spend while working is so wildly different than the rest of us.

Speaker 1:

Right, especially like active negotiation. That's like oh yeah like a million making time like a million dollar listing.

Speaker 2:

You're probably pocketing close to a thousand dollars for every hour you work on that listing, right, and that's just.

Speaker 2:

I mean I'd like to think I'm fairly successful and well compensated, but like I'm not in that level and I frankly know very few people that are so that recognition of how much different that truly is, it's hard to understate, it's hard to overstate and it's one of those things where you know you tell somebody oh yeah, I work weird hours, they go, yeah, okay, fine. Those things where you know you tell somebody oh yeah, I work weird hours, they go yeah, okay, fine. And they're like no, but you don't understand their hours are very, very weird. And so you kind of have to be flexible on that front but also recognize that it opens up a lot of opportunities. And because it's not just hours, it's also calendars, right, like you know, the nine to five job tends to come with two days off once a week and two weeks off for vacation. Obviously, that's not the realtor lifestyle. Plenty of realtors can be successful and productive working three or four days a week, and then they can take months off, right.

Speaker 1:

Or they can go on vacation and sell a house.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, one of the one of the things I found this was less you and more of the agents in your brokerage, but it was like they had an amount of money they wanted to make and once they made it, they just sort of checked out for the rest of the year.

Speaker 1:

I don't recommend that as a strategy.

Speaker 2:

No, it was a bad strategy, but I mean it was like I vividly remember you grinding your teeth in December because you had like million dollar leads coming in and like everyone was like, well, I'm done for the year, I'm filled up. Yeah, good, I'm all right. So I'm, like you know, wrapping presents at home by myself and you're out doing listings, but hey, it was a great close to the year so I know I couldn't believe that really, like you, guys, don't want this I'll sell the house myself and so, yeah, like that's like one of the, I think, most empowering parts of the job is that it allows realtors to kind of almost check out of society, which is wild.

Speaker 2:

Like there's just not that many jobs. I mean, I I guess, like you know, linemen that go out and repair power lines after storms, like they kind of have like a life like that, I guess, uh, there's just not a lot of jobs that do that, and and because it is so outside of the rest of the economy that I don't know that most people really appreciate how incredibly different it is. Because it's, you know, it's like I said, it's one of the things where you hear it and you're like, oh yeah, I get that. It's like, no, you don't, you don't really get it. It's, it's so, so, so much different than than you even think.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I think like you're really trading time for money, and there's this calculus that has to occur not just with you as the real estate agent, but it also has to occur with you, with your partner and your family, like is this worth taking five?

Speaker 1:

hours away from family time or time with my husband and like that's definitely a calculus, that like came into play. That was very different than when I was just single, lindsey, because I remember I'd be showing homes like 11 pm and it was not a big deal. But once I had a husband and once I had kids it like totally flipped the script.

Speaker 2:

Well, I mean, we were, you know, when we were in DC and we lived next to a couple, one of whom was a realtor as well, and I remember talking to the husband about the fact that his husband wasn't there at this party on a Sunday and I was like, oh, let me guess he was like he's like, oh, let me guess. He was like yeah, yeah, yeah, he's going to open houses with a client. I was like, oh, I get that. I was like, did he give you like the speech? And he says, what's the speech?

Speaker 2:

I was like, well, lindsay was like it was like terrible when we first started dating, because it'd be like yeah, I really want to spend time with you this weekend, because I worked Monday through Fridays. I want to spend important to me, you are a priority, and if it is important to you that we spend time together this weekend, then that is what we shall do. However, the clients I'm going out with are looking up to $1.5 million and so, therefore, if I sell them a house this weekend, that's $50,000 I can put in my pocket and we can go to Mexico for two weeks. So I will leave it to you. Would you rather me spend the weekend with you here on the couch, or would you like me to go make $50,000? That's manipulative. Yeah, you are horrible.

Speaker 2:

And so, yeah, and that's just the worst part is is like, yeah, I'd argue it is a little manipulative, but it's not wrong, and that's like I think kind of the problem is it's not like it's a miscommunication, it's not like it's a structural choice, it's just the nature of the job. It's facts. Yeah, it's facts. It's just that it creates a set of imperatives that are unrecognizable, and it can be a little challenging not to resent the realtor for the realities of their job.

Speaker 2:

Those are the facts of the situation. You didn't create them, you didn't manipulate them. It's just the way it works. And so, even though I might be frustrated with that kind of thing, it's not really fair for me to get frustrated at you. It's just the nature of what you do, and so truly embracing that level of difference is a challenge. But I think once you can rise to it, like you realize there's some immense upsides to it. You know, like I said, like the thousand dollars an hour stuff, or the fact that you can literally go on month-long vacations and not sacrifice your professional output. There's so much freedom.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, we would come up to our vacation house a lot for a month at a time, which was so cool.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and I think it's one of those things where working remote's great, but if you're both working remote from your vacation house, there's a limit to how vacation-y it feels. But like the fact that I could work remote and you didn't have to really work at all was was amazing. It truly felt like a real vacation and that's, I think, like something really special and precious.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that is really cool. As you were talking, I was thinking that, like you do have to have trust in your realtor partner that they are being considerate and putting boundaries around their time. Like you kind of have to have a trust that they're not just like working all the time to work all the time.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I mean, I think, I mean I think that's just as somebody that's not a realtor but I feel very like exposed to the, to the life, like I think that's one of the things that's really challenging about, like I couldn't be a realtor, and I think the reason is because it requires an immense amount of self-discipline to not lose yourself in the job.

Speaker 2:

Like I don't know of many jobs where you can literally work yourself to death. You can do that as a realtor. I also don't know of as many jobs where you can embrace it as an identity and not make any money, right? I mean, no, I'm really. I know realtors. You know realtors everybody listening to this knows realtors where they don't actually sell any houses, they're not actually doing any prospecting, they're not actually doing any market research, but they just tell people they're realtors and then they like kind of like drive around and drink coffee.

Speaker 2:

And so I think, realtor, saying you're a realtor is like saying you're an entrepreneur, like yeah, the bar is stupendously low, but the barriers to success are incredibly high, and whereas, you know, it's very hard to become a lawyer, but like, once you are a lawyer, there's sort of like a limit to how much of a fuck up you can be, and like a realtor is the opposite.

Speaker 2:

It's extremely easy to become a realtor. It's very hard to be a good one, and that puts a lot of pressure, I think, on realtors to treat themselves as professionals versus having it be like a cozy identity they can, just as an excuse to not actually doing something with their lives, and so the discipline required to say nope, I'm going to. I am going to work my sphere from 9am to 1pm Tuesday, wednesday and Thursday, and then I'm going to preview some open houses Thursday and Friday. And you know, having that kind of like a cadence to your life, Like I think it's really important, not just because I mean that's how you become a successful realtor is having that level of discipline, but it also allows other people in your life to start to see it as a job that it is Like. I think it would be a lot harder for me to be as understanding around your need to be 24-7 available during active negotiations if I didn't also see you putting in the like base level background work, um, that had to happen.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, like I'm treating it like a real job yeah, yeah, it's so, it's the.

Speaker 2:

I think it's kind of funny because it's I know it's the part that realtors don't like to do, but it's the stuff that they don't like to do that not only generates a platform for future success, but also allows other people in their lives to see it as a profession that it is versus. You guys are just waiting for lottery tickets to drop out of the sky Because it can look like that.

Speaker 1:

It really can sometimes, I know. Okay, so that's point number one, which was their relationship to time and I would even say money kind of changes a little bit. All right, let's go to your point number two.

Speaker 2:

Ah, yeah, heteronormative goes out the window. So I know that in friends that I have, where both the husband and wife you know cisgender normative stuff they're both in the workforce and at night, you know, the husband does the little projects or contacts the contractor to do the update to the bathroom and the wife cooks dinner, um, and then they both lay down and go to sleep at 10 o'clock at night and then wake up the next morning, get dressed and go to the office. Like that's just not how life looks with a realtor. Um, the cause, a lot of things change. Change like you handle all point contact with contractors, right, um, and that's so funny. And the few times you don't, it does not, does not go well, like at all.

Speaker 1:

and so there's negotiation involved. I'm doing it.

Speaker 2:

Oh yeah, no, no, like um the uh. Oh yeah, we'll get to that one in a second.

Speaker 2:

But like yeah, it's sort of. So I think what's interesting is that being a successful realtor forces you to be very good at conflict resolution, be very good at contract negotiation and really understand home mechanics. I mean, it's kind of like home ec on steroids in a way, and so, as, like you know, the quote unquote man in the relationship like I'm, you know, if I want the bathroom to be changed, it doesn't make sense for me to call a contractor because I'm not going to know what the right plumbing fixture is, I'm not going to know the right price. I mean.

Speaker 1:

I'm not going to know what kind of plumbing we have.

Speaker 2:

Right, it's like it's white, and then when you poop in it, it like makes it go away, and that's the extent of I truly don't know the brand of toilet we have in our house and so um, like, and, and that's the thing, it's in a typical relationship that the relationships that I've seen it's the men that run point on all of that, whereas the women run point on the more traditional domestic stuff, which is laundry and cooking and shopping.

Speaker 2:

But and here's the weird part that stuff the laundry, the cooking and the shopping those are daily tasks, whereas a lot of home maintenance stuff is more strategic tasks, and so the daily tasks have to be done daily, regardless of the circumstance. So it actually doesn't make sense for you to run point on shopping and cooking, because you might be pulled into a listing presentation, you might have to go on a showing, and so, whereas you're now far more qualified to deal with a lot of the more traditionally male activities in a relationship, I have to get better at the traditionally female ones, because I can't expect you to be home at night to cook dinner every night, like.

Speaker 2:

I can't expect you to be able to have the time to, like you know, do the dishes in the evening or put the kids to bed, and so, like you know, our, our gender roles, on our relationships don't look like normal gender roles.

Speaker 1:

Um and you know it's pretty fluid.

Speaker 2:

It's very fluid and so like it's a little odd, because it's like, at the drop of the hat, I have to be Mr Mom, um, or I have to be Mr Bob, and you have to be Mr Dad, exactly, and um, but there's, there's wonderful upsides, like I mean, one of my favorite memories about being married to a realtor was when we were looking at buying that car in DC and I re, I forget what the car was, but I remember it was in an infinity and we go and we test drive it. And I was like, yeah, I kind of like this car. And the salesman was this like kind of pudgy 50-year-old dude and he sort of slaps me on the shoulder and he's like, well, why don't you and I go in the back and we'll go talk numbers while the little lady gets a cup of coffee? And I remember just smiling and saying, oh, that's not how this works, I don't talk numbers, I'm going to go get a cup of coffee. And then you and he disappeared into the back room and then 10 minutes later later you came out and the guy was like sweating, his tie was undone and he was breathing heavy. No, no, no, but you're just screaming and you're just like, yeah, we couldn't get there on numbers. And it was like I, yeah, it's like I don't even want to know what you did to that poor guy in that back room, but like I think you took 10 years off of his life, um, but you know, we didn't.

Speaker 2:

We didn't buy the car because, like I don't deal with the negotiations, because why the hell would I? You do this for a living. You're way better at it than I am, and so, yeah, I think that's. The other piece is just how you, just in the same way, you have to let go of your expectations around how time works. You have to let go of your expectations with how genders and gender roles work, because, but it's not a sacrifice you have to make, it's an adjustment you have to accommodate, because, like, once you do let go of it, like it's not, like I want to do negotiations, like you're better at them, and because of that fact, we purchase properties for less, we buy cars for less, like I can point to actual dollar savings that you were able to wring out of processes that I couldn't, and so you know, yeah, so sweet to hear yeah.

Speaker 2:

So, in stepping back and letting you run point on that, it makes for a better life for us to lead, like if I were to hang on to those tasks out of some antiquated notion of what my role in the relationship is. Um, then, like we wouldn't have these savings. Um, instead, I go home and I bake sourdough bread for the kids sandwiches I mean, you also know how to like take apart a jeep.

Speaker 1:

We have a few things well, I guess that's actually.

Speaker 2:

That's actually kind of probably a good point too. Like when I was younger, I mean I did build a jeep from. I used to smoke Marlboros, I used to, I used to drive, I used to be a whitewater raft guide, and so I feel like one of the reasons I'm so cool with not giving a shit about gender roles is like I was so over the top in my like early twenties around, like being a dude's dude, like that. It's like there's nothing left to prove. Like I've owned Miatas proudly, because, after you've built your own Jeep, like there's nothing left to prove on that front.

Speaker 2:

So yeah, and so because, because I'm very secure in that, because I've already had access to that, like it was very easy for me. So I'm not saying it's it's, I'm not saying it's easy, and I could see how, if you didn't have that experience as like a cisgendered male in your earlier years, it might be hard to feel comfortable like walking away from those expectations now. But I'm very lucky because I already was able to live so high off the charts on one hand, that letting go of all of it now and just you know, being the guy that you know tucks the kids in at night and bakes the bread for the sandwiches in the morning, like I'm fine with that.

Speaker 1:

I got nothing left to prove. Well, I love you for it. Your flexibility and just not needing to be the man of the house is like one of your best qualities, to be honest. Honest, you're super flexible and you're just a really great life partner. All right, so heteronormity out the window. I think we got that one nailed down. Uh, all right, what's point number three for you?

Speaker 2:

um, you can drive yourself crazy trying to make a life with a realtor look like a normal life, and I've, I've seen it happen. Like I think back to that guy in that restaurant staring glumly at his plate. I know it was really sad. I almost like just went and put my arm around his shoulder and be like I feel your brother, I've been there, but the reality is that, like if you try to treat a realtor like a typical woman, it won't work and it can.

Speaker 1:

You just set yourself up for disappointment I've seen it backfire too with agents that have been at my brokerage, where the husband is not okay with their wife being a realtor. And just again, going back to point number two, it's like they wanted her to play a particular role and they wanted to put that round peg in a round hole, but that hole did not accommodate who, that woman was and I think it's.

Speaker 2:

I think it's like a hard time in our society where I feel, like the last 20 years, like at cultural level, women have been given a path to self-actualization that is independent of others. Right, like we now have a concept I mean, it's not widely adopted and there's always challenges and let's not talk about an election but like there is now at least a. There is an archetype, there's a model for a woman that lives a full and complete life in isolation. Like you do not need a man for fulfillment. You might want one and some people might prefer one.

Speaker 1:

Oh, I, I like, I like mine.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I'm a keeper, I'm into mine, but, but it's no longer necessary. And I think the one of the um and I think one of the challenges is I think, in a large, large way, what society expects of men is actually still defined through their relationship with other people, not in a good or healthy way, right? Like you know, sexual dominance is like part of a masculine identity thing and like that's bad, but like it still implies that there's at least somebody there that you're dominating. And so I don't know that there really are great archetypes for men where they can get a sense of fulfillment or can look to a role model and say I don't need someone else in my life to reach that level of success else in my life to reach that level of success. Even the real, the high-flying tech, bro types things, they're never alone. You always see them with the supermodels. Even the ones where it's not equal, even the ones where it's abusive, there is still someone else there.

Speaker 2:

And so when you're with a realtor who can like up and disappear at any moment because they're going to go make $50,000 in the next four hours, there's not really a place to put that, I think, in most concepts of masculine identity that I have exposure to. And so if you are trying to make your life with the realtor in your life, with the realtor in your life, fit really any archetypical relationship dynamic that I'm familiar with, it just doesn't work, and so you wind up with resentment. Um, because, you know, not only is the wife not playing the traditional gender role of you know, meeting you at the door with the next drink and the home-cooked meal, especially when you introduce kids right when you introduce kids.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's like what, like, once you realize that like she's just never gonna be able to be that person, um, like, she's just never going to be able to be that person, um like there's just no.

Speaker 2:

I mean I'm sorry to interrupt, but then add in like she might make more than you like yeah, you know, it's kind of funny, like I actually I don't know that that's as big a thing as it might seem. I I because I've seen realtor relationships blow up too, and I don't because the thing is you guys don't make money like normal people.

Speaker 1:

We aren't normal people.

Speaker 2:

No, I mean, like every two weeks I get a little piece of paper that feeds my validation because it has a number on it and it's a fun number to look at, and you don't get that every two weeks, like now.

Speaker 2:

Every you know few weeks, you get a random piece of number a random piece of paper that comes out of the blue and has an astronomically high number, but it's like at no point, like I still don't know what you make every year. I don't think I've ever in our 16 years together, I don't actually think I can name a point in time where I could tell you how much money you made over the course of a year.

Speaker 1:

I mean to be honest, I can't even tell you Because it doesn't matter. Even after my taxes are done.

Speaker 2:

It's such a fuzzy number because A it happens at random, so the money coming in is unpredictable and all over the map and you guys carry so many expenses that it's top line. The money that my company pays me I put in my pocket. I don't have to go out and then spend dollars on Zillow leads to go get another paycheck.

Speaker 1:

There's a whole profit loss involved. It's not a straight salary.

Speaker 2:

So I've often thought that the issue that men have with realtors and feeling threatened by realtors is less around the fact they make more money, because, even if it's true it's not like you necessarily are exposed to that, I think it comes down to they're not playing the role that society tells you they should play and they're not around, so you can't play the role that society tells you you should play, and so I think it's easier to resent realtors for their absence than it is for their income. And so yeah, and that's the problem, it's like if that's important to you or if that's what you're looking for in a relationship or in a dynamic, like it's just not going to work because the nature of the beast means that you're just not going to have those cards to play.

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm, if you're listening to this and thinking, I wish someone would just help me figure this out. That is literally what I do. I offer one-on-one coaching for agents, team leads and brokerage owners who want a business that actually fits their life no trendy tactics. That actually fits their life. No trendy tactics, no burnout, just clarity, systems and support. Book your free discovery call at happyagentco. Slash coaching Also. Link is in the show notes. Now back to the episode. It was fascinating. We just got into like masculinity, femininity. So you're so deep, I love you. Okay, one more point.

Speaker 2:

Oh, yeah, yeah, so um.

Speaker 1:

Point number four.

Speaker 2:

Well, this is sort of like the happy note to end on for all three.

Speaker 1:

This is like the cherry on top of that on Wednesday, Sunday, yeah, I mean.

Speaker 2:

I think it takes, I think, a certain amount of strength. It takes a certain amount of courage to truly embrace the fact that it's just not going to be what anyone you know you yourself, society, your parents told you. Your relationship is going to be like your. Your relationship will never work the way others do or your life or your life, yeah, or yeah exactly, or your life.

Speaker 2:

It's just, it's just not in the cards, it's not going to happen, um and like. Once you accept that and I'm not saying it's easy because it's hard and I can see why I really understand. I never struggled with it personally, but I can definitely see why other people would and I don't resent them for that. I mean, that's another, I think, important thing to point out, which is if your spouse or your boyfriend is like struggling with coming to grips with this, it's probably worth being a little bit patient and recognizing exactly how much of a shift or how much of a change the lifestyle asks of him, and recognize the fact that he might not be he's probably not aware of it, like. It's easy for me to say this with 16 years of experience.

Speaker 1:

When you met me when I was a realtor. So like there's also that where you've been, maybe you've been in a relationship and you become a realtor and that person's known you before realtoring oh yeah, that'd be horrible, right, it'd be so hard.

Speaker 2:

God, yeah, yeah, and so I think that's like the key thing is is, like you know, having a little patience would probably go a long way, and recognizing that the, the, the guy in your life might not even be aware of why it's so uncomfortable and certainly won't be able to articulate it, um, and so like having some patience on that front or having a therapist. Having a therapist that'd be a good niche is like a real therapist you all need it. Oh so bad that seriously would be a good match they don't need help.

Speaker 1:

A realtor health crisis in our country right now a realtor relationship coach. That'd be really cool, would be really cool, but maybe do you want to do it.

Speaker 2:

We could do it together, that'd be fun but no, and so I guess what the point of it is is that, like the first step is really the biggest and really the hardest. Like you got to make this huge jump. You got to walk away from everything that like society has told you that you should be, that they should be, that you what. You're sure you have to walk away from a lot of stuff, but once you do, there's all this insane upside. Like I don't particularly like negotiating for cars. You view it as like a recreational hobby, I know. So it's like, all of a sudden there's all of this heteronormative work that like, yeah, I might've found some masculine sense of fulfillment and performing, but at the same time, like I felt like I enjoyed it. And so once you get used to it, you're like, oh sweet, I don't have to do this anymore. That's awesome. Taxes I don't know how to do taxes. I wouldn't even know where to start with your numbers. So this is great.

Speaker 1:

I'm so glad you're not involved.

Speaker 2:

Oh my God, that would be a terrible idea. Or, you know, or like vacations, like, yeah, like when we were talking about going to like Denmark for six weeks with the kids, like that's. I mean I can't even begin to imagine how disruptive that would be for the folks out there with, I mean God, could you imagine, especially in like a trades job where you couldn't go remote? I mean, like that kind of stuff is impossible, it would take years of planning. But for us it's like an impulse move because of the nature of your work. And so I think, like with anything, there's always this tension between the comfort and safety of the known and the thrill and the potential of the unknown.

Speaker 2:

Like that, I think that's part of the human experience. Is like, how do you balance those two things? And just recognizing that being with a realtor is a is a conscientious step into the unknown and it does require courage and it does require adjustments. But once you make that commitment very, very early on in the relationship, the backend is all upside, you know, because once you get over the fact that, like, you're not going to look like a traditional guy to your friends, um, you know now, from from that point on. It's all you know. Denmark for six weeks and impulse purchasing.

Speaker 1:

Getting a 32-foot RV.

Speaker 2:

Buying a 32. Well, no, the one that really got me. I talk about it with the kids because I worry that the kids look at our lives as like how normal people live and they just don't. But you know, when I was and we talked about this too when I was out of college and waiting tables at one point, and I would take my tips and I'd bring them home every night and I'd tuck them into this plastic cup I had on my desk and I'd really hope by the end of the month there'd be enough cash in the cup to pay the rent and pay all the bills. And I'd like tuck the little dollars. And I remember the feeling of the cup.

Speaker 2:

And then when you had the guy come into your office and asked to sell this property and he said, asked you what he could get for it. And you said, listen, if we, you know, if we make some upgrades, you can get x, if we just stage it, you can get y. And if you're cool with z, I'll write you a check right now. And the guy's like, done, write it up. And you just impulse, purchased this house and and then we bought the house and then it needed a new faucet.

Speaker 2:

And you asked me if I could go install it and I said yeah, and I go to the home Home Depot and I'm in the car with this new faucet and this riding shotgun and I'm driving around the neighborhood and then it hit me. I didn't know where the house was and we were both on the deed right. This was a house I owned and I had gone from stuffing dollar bills in a plastic cup to pay the rent to literally misplacing a house that I owned and that was. I think that was the point where it really hit me about like this is just not how normal people live.

Speaker 1:

You just have such an immense amount of trust in me. I just think that's so sweet.

Speaker 2:

Well, I mean. But the thing is is like why wouldn't I trust you with real estate decisions? True that.

Speaker 1:

Right, you're in healthcare. I trust you with our health. Yeah, exactly, I picked the health insurance. Get that.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that's true, like um, and so yeah, like, yeah, I mean, obviously trust is important, but like, yeah, like I said, once you get there, like it's really what I think with a lot of relationships it's the first part, that's the fun part, and then it kind of gets more challenging as you go. And I think in real estate it's the other way around the the hard stuff beyond, like the third date, the hard stuff is all front loaded. It's the back end. That's amazing. And so you sort of have to have the courage and the patience to like, take the long view and then enjoy the ride on the back end. And so, yeah, that would be my takeaway.

Speaker 1:

These are so great and like I just think that it's kind of fun to let people in, because I do talk about how real estate can build your dream life. And again, we don't always go on these rides by ourselves, solo, so it's been fun because you've been along for the ride. And it hasn't always been smooth, it has definitely been bumpy, but I think at the end, like you and I are so incredibly I hate this word, but blessed to like live the life that we live, and I really think so much of it is not only real estate, but it was also.

Speaker 1:

you were such a good real estate partner.

Speaker 2:

Oh, that's sweet, I like that.

Speaker 1:

And so I. There was a major motivation for, like I know we were just chatting over lunch and I'm like we have to record this podcast episode because I think that we don't talk often enough about the support system behind the realtor and people always ask me how do you do everything that you do?

Speaker 1:

And I say I have an incredibly supportive partner at home and if you don't have that like, it's very hard. I think it's not possible, but it's very hard to build your dream life through real estate if you don't have support at home.

Speaker 2:

I mean I, if, if there was a, um, a woman in a relationship whose husband expected her to be a traditional woman, I don't, I literally cannot understand how that would work if she was enjoying even a modicum of professional success. Right, like it, just it just isn't. I mean forget. Like women can't have it, all kind of stuff, like it's just not possible.

Speaker 2:

Like no, the mental load, the time like the hands the energy demands and it's like, and how they would, how they would hit at the same time, like I mean, it's not even like there's not enough hours in a day, it's you just can't be in two places at once, like it. Yeah, I think that's that would be brutally hard, brutally hard, um, and so I think that's the, that's the, the potential and the peril is being able to explain to the, the man in your life around. Listen, this is going to require a lot from you, but, like, let me tell you all the cool parts about this, because there's quite quite a few there are really quite a few.

Speaker 1:

Well, thank you so much for jumping on the happy agent co podcast. You are an amazing partner and I couldn't have done any of this without you oh, that's cute.

Speaker 2:

Happy to help, as always. I love you. I love you too.

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Lindsay Dreyer

Host